I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
