I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
