I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
