I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
