You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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