some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
