How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
