Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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