Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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