it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
