Sponge bath it is.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
