You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
