i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
