There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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