So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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