Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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