she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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