Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
