Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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