I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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