capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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