so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
