Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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