im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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