I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
