He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
