kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
