Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
