we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
3 2 1 whiskey
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
