It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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