She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
