we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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