I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
