where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
