dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
