literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
