my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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