it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
