I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
