my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
