if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm going to jail i love you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
