she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He better not be in your backpack
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
