I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
