apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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