Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone came in the potted fern
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
