i just sent this text using only my big toe
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
