First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Canât. Tonightâs a netflix and dick night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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