I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
