I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
