I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
