how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
